You see those big hitters engaging with others effortlessly all the time.
They really do seem very likable, don’t they? You envy them.
Admit it. You wish to enjoy the level of engagement and success they do.
So what is it about them that makes them stand out between ALL of those people online?
There’s no revolutionary software or a secret sauce they use, but take this FAQ on how to become a masterful communicator seriously, and people will naturally start to gravitate towards you.
I’ll walk you through the whole process.
Let’s face it..Nobody will love you unless you are yourself.
Well, ya know..They might get to love your alter ego.
But that’s not you, so you’ll feel totally miserable about it.
So the best recommendation i can give you is to simply be yourself. And no, not everyone will like you. You will come across a hater one day. However, you’ll actually find that a lot of people will love you for the person you are.
And that’s a great feeling. So liberate yourself from having to be perfect, and show the real you.
Keep It Real
Are you a yes person? Meaning, you like to always agree with someone – even if you don’t? Needless to say, making war with anyone is not someone a masterful communicator would do.
But you have to be able to give your own opinion. Always be respectful, but if you want to create meaningful relationships, you’ll have to be able to step away from the small talk. And if you do disagree, try to also mention something you dó agree on.
I also like to say “but I could be totally off with this” or “but then again, I could be wrong”. This puts down their guard (as well as yours).
Others will see that you have your own opinion and the ability to communicate it, and this opens the door to interesting dialogues. They also see that you are not offensive about it, so each person can share their own point of view.
Don’t you hate it when someone talks only about themselves?
Yeah. Don’t do that.
Be utterly interested in the other person because you’ll find that this is the only way to connect. Engage. Ask them interesting questions. Good things happen when you have a natural curiosity towards other people in your niche.
Social Media is not just scheduling some posts on Buffer. And it’s also not “Hey, thanks for following. please check out my website / like my Facebook page”.
Make Twitter lists to engage with influencers and interesting people.
Try something like “Hey, thank you for connecting! Love your website design 🙂 Have a great day!”. (or find something else specific you can mention, to let them know you gave them some special attention)
Yes, i just implied that you should check out their website. I do this. If the site is interesting and in my niche, i often leave a comment on one of their blog posts.
If you’ll do this, now you have taken it off Twitter. And all you have shown is interest. There is a big chance that your first impression will now be “wow, what a great person!”. And if you can take the conversation to e-mail, thats even better.
Remember: the extra mile is never crowded. Be the most interesting person ever, by being the most interested person ever.
Have you ever read the book How To Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie?
It is a fantastic book about communicating with others, and one of the first lessons you’ll learn is that when you criticize others, this doesn’t have the right effect on people.
How do you like getting criticized? I sure don’t. Feedback is great. But leave the criticism at home.
Any fool can criticize, condemn and complain – and most fools do – Dale Carnegie
In a book I read from Kevin Hogan called can’t get through: eight barriers to communication this piece really resonated with me. Have you ever felt like this?
Research studies have shown that criticism is quickest way to both diminish a person’s self image and poison a relationship. No one enjoys being around a critical person.
Whether those words come from our spouses or significant other, employer, friends or even total strangers, we tend shut down inside, shutting out the words that hurt us and we stop listening.
Think about someone in your environment who is always negative. How do they make you feel? Like being around them? Does it affect your internal state?
Now think about someone you know that is always positive, and ask yourself the same questions. I bet you just got a warm feeling just by thinking about this person. Their consistent positivity pulls you up, and you love to be around them – it energizes you.
Why not try to be more like this person? Become someone who pulls others up. A couple each and every day. You’ll feel better about yourself and so will they.
Even if you’re having a bad day, just force it. You can always try to be positive. As a matter of fact, if you’re having a bad day – you need to try even more because thoughts turn into feelings.
Use Names Online
Admit it, you love to hear your own name. You’ll never get sick of it. The same goes for every person you interact with. Online you almost never have to worry about forgetting or finding out someone’s name, so use it to your advantage.
Don’t use their name in every single sentence, because thats just annoying. But use someone’s name when appropriate and they’ll automatically start liking you more. Remember: friends use names.
Show Your Appreciation
Lack of appreciation is the very reason why many very competent people leave jobs each and every day. It’s the reason why marriages strand, and why people show all sorts of compensating behavior to make up for this gap.
Trust me, something as simple as appreciation is miraculous. Do not take people for granted. Because it could give them the power to move forward, and the motivation to succeed or strive to become better. Don’t you want to be a part of that?
If you feel appreciation towards someone, you’ll know. But don’t just assume they know, too!
Tell them, show them.
Don’t Wrestle With Pigs
Try not to argue on the internet. It will be a mistake. And remember: pigs love to get all dirty. Their desire is to suck you into their state of reality, where arguing is a part of life.
They win, you lose.
You don’t have to engage with them. And i recommend you don’t. Need more help on this subject? Click here to read Brent’s awesome post about it.
Your motives will shine through in e-ve-ry-thing you do. Trust me. You can’t hide it.
Your language patterns will inevitably reveal what you’re really up to. You’ll start to say horrible things like “I want….”. These kind of words are a huge turn off for me. How about you? It’s not about what you want, it’s about what you can do or mean for the other person.
So there’s a lesson here. If you want something, you always..and i mean, always frame it in a way that will show them how it will benefit them.
Don’t Be a Know-It-All
If you want to make people feel good about themselves, you have to make them feel like they are contributing to the conversation. You have to allow yourself to learn something new from the other person.
Remember: Where one person seems to know everything, the other person is not necessary…or at least that’s how they feel – Kevin Hogan
You can learn something new from every person you meet. You just have to pay attention.
Every man I meet is in some way my superior; and in that I can learn of him – Ralph Waldo Emerson
Promote The Blogs You Want To Connect With
I always try to be considerate enough to share someones post if I enjoyed reading it. I don’t do this just so they’ll like me more, but it does help! Is this a sneaky way to gain influence? Of course not.
If someone shares my post, I feel very happy. Of course I like that person for sharing my post. It’s a small act of kindness and if I am mentioned, I always thank them.
It also helps to connect with someone often, because the more you connect with them, the more important you become to them. I don’t mean becoming needy of course….
- comment on their blogs
- share their blog posts generously
- interact to their social media posts
- link to their blogs in your articles
- respond to their e-mail newsletters
See? Becoming likable is not about short circuiting peoples brains. If you want to create beneficial relationships online that will make you money, it’s about setting the right example. It’s about treating the people the way you’d like to be treated.
These strategies may seem very straightforward, but if you’re going to follow through with this it means becoming a better and bigger person in the process. Putting it to the test may not be as easy as it seems, but it starts with being conscious about the way you communicate. From there you can improve.
So are you using these things to communicate with others? On which ones could you improve? Any things you do that I did not mention here? Share in the comments below!